I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
