My nipple is on Facebook.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
