I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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