just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you didnt know i had herpes?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
