my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
