she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
