I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm always down for nudity.
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