I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
