Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
