This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
