I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
