Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
