trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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