forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im holly from the hills drunk
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
