Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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