I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The power of my boobs compel you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
