My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
