Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
