I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
