doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
