Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
