Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
