he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
