I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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