wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
third nipple confirmed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
