spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
