And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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