true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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