apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
