I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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