Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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