But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
