It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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