I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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