sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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