Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
