i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
