I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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