operation have a gay friend backfired
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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