I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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