Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
