If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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