Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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