who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
