Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
