I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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