I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
