Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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