I puked a lego.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
