i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
