I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
