He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
