I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
