isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
