i permit you to call me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
