I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize