Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
