I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She bit a glass in half.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
