Swine flu. Run for my life!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
