i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
