If that was your dad, he is hot
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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