as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I look better un-naked...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
